Sandwiched between Mother and Wife
NATIONAL JOURNAL OF HOMOEOPATHY 2003 Nov / Dec VOL V NO 6.
Dr Prasad H Saundankar
'Calc-carb

Objective
1] Experiencing BLOATING of body & mind.
1] Experiencing the tussle in the life of a person.
2] Experiencing attitude of a person under various circumstances through involvement in it.
3] Learning to differentiate closely coming MMI with respect to mental state one acquires.

Mr.SBB/31yrs/B.Com./clerk in court/married - April2002
Father was a watchman in factory- later debarred from work since 1988 for which court matter pending.
Mother worker in hospital, now jobless on account of mental condition.

Craving sweet ++, milk ++, curd +
Food < pungent food causes GI burning
Palms-peeling <summer ++
Sleep-normal, salivation during sleep when sleep on left side [since childhood];
Sun < headache+
< getting wet= URTI <cow= URTI
Sweat: general++< exertion
Thermal: chilly++

Past History- continuous type of fever in childhood
Family History-Mother-frozen shoulder. Psychiatrist’s Rx for ? mental illness. Father-Chronic otitis media.

Earlier information during mother’s interview
Patient’s mother was referred by another patient for treatment of frozen shoulder.
Just as I completed enquiring about her shoulder, she started talking about her mental state voluntarily. That time son [patient] was also in the consulting cabin. She c/o of great irritability since the marriage of son and started weeping in the clinic. At the same time son also started telling about family situation: wife and mother do not get along; mother is orthodox and takes tension3. Never leaves home and thinks constantly about home. She said ‘I don’t feel like going out’.
If they both remained together in my cabin, arguments
Craving sweet ++, milk ++, curd +
Food < pungent food causes GI burning
Palms-peeling <summer ++
Sleep-normal, salivation during sleep when sleep on left side [since childhood];
Sun < headache+
< getting wet= URTI <cow= URTI
Sweat: general++< exertion
Thermal: chilly++

Past History- continuous type of fever in childhood
Family History-Mother-frozen shoulder. Psychiatrist’s Rx for ? mental illness. Father-Chronic otitis media.

Earlier information during mother’s interview
Patient’s mother was referred by another patient for treatment of frozen shoulder.

Just as I completed enquiring about her shoulder, she started talking about her mental state voluntarily. That time son [patient] was also in the consulting cabin. She c/o of great irritability since the marriage of son and started weeping in the clinic. At the same time son also started telling about family situation: wife and mother do not get along; mother is orthodox and takes tension³. Never leaves home and thinks constantly about home. She said ‘I don’t feel like going out’.
If they both remained together in my cabin, arguments would increase, so I asked her son to sit outside. Now Son’s case-
He is a 31 yrs, of average built, wheatish to dark complexion, bespectacled and a serious look.

In Childhood-financial situation was not so good. Father had no fixed job- used to distribute newspaper daily. Worked in a private press. Did not participate in house responsibility, while mother would clean utensils and other maid’s work. Fa & Mo relationship was strained. Patient and his sister would help Mo in her housework from the time patient can remember. He involved himself in education & responsibilities towards home and no outside activities, no friends thereafter. He used to think that mother does all work for us & I should help her. Not ashamed of any work.

Academic- The time he would get after school he used to do small jobs. At school he never failed; got 54% in 10^th ; 62% in 12^th , 60% at B Com. Till 11^th /12^th he used to go with mother for housework; later did small jobs. Still later got job in Sarda.
He completed B.Com. Simultaneously he worked as a clerk cum typist at Sarda camel house. There he was paid very little but since he needed a job badly, he did it. He also tried at Satpur in various factories but because of no influence, could not get proper job. Later he got job of clerk in court on his own merit.

Family
Since his marriage, a difficult atmosphere prevailed at home. As they have come up from poverty, his mother does not like wastage; wants everybody should wake-up early, clean home, fill drinking water etc. Mother does not like food prepared by wife . So mother quarrels with wife. Wife also retaliates. Patient does not like quarrels. He takes side of wife which < situation. He feels sandwiched, repents marrying. I have to look after home anyhow". Yet Mother calls him selfish and he cannot oppose her. She is highly irritable, hot, [all her maiden family is like this]. Fa is simple [all his family is simple by nature]. I tried a lot to stop this because I know my mother has done a lot of hardwork for me & now I should do for mother. Wife was mild in first 4-5 months of marriage but changed in behavior because of mother. Neither wife nor mother submit. Now the tension is, if either Mother or wife, do any harm to themselves like suicide, it will lead to a court case and I will loose my job.

His nature: does not like fight/quarrels. Trembles if sees fight outside. If any time he sees crowd in his area while returning from office, he fears that whether Mo/wife has committed suicide!
Now since few weeks wife is at her mother’s house for pregnancy rest. Before both would come to his office [court] after quarrel, to tell the story. Since then feels fear [anything wrong at home like suicide] if anybody approaches him even for giving tiffin.
He said that " he & mother never quarreled before; I used to adjust anywhere; while sister & Fa used to quarrel with mother as they would not listen to her. Since beginning I fear scolding by mother."
During college days he did not make friends to avoid expenditure. He is calm by nature since beginning. Now in office he mixes with others. He feels he has got maturity before time. His sister would show aversion to work but pt never did.
At work place if boss even scolds, he gets tense and thinks he will be suspended. If anybody talks badly, he does not answer back. Even though he is not at fault, he tolerates. He never says no to anybody. To save his job, he also does extrawork. Even to relatives he never says no; never quarrels; never hurts other; says :You never know when you will need anybody in future.
When he was telling all this, he was quite serious and appeared much disturbed.
When he had came with mother for her case, had same intense talk like today.

Discussion
This is a case of a son sandwiched between mother and wife’ conflict.
From patient’s viewpoint: he is sandwiched between role of son and role of husband. Mother was under psychiatrist’s treatment for great irritability. Naturally all family members were suffering because of mother. So how could a new daughter-in-law live in such a atmosphere? Her behaviour is understandable. Only patient needs to balance: On one hand he wants to give all happines to mother, on the other hand he does not want to do injustice with wife. He cannot balance and withdraws. To top it, he is submissive, adjusting, sensitive to hurt; with low self esteem. So it leads to insecurity, fears & anxieties-of losing job; of fight; of family members doing harm to self.

Materia Medica differentiation
Remedies: Arg-nit, Kali-carb, Calc-carb which emerge from an understanding of the above mental state.

Arg-nit: Anxiety AF stressful situation . But in past, he is quite successful, secure and came up from poverty and completed education. But Arg-nit is filled with insecurities. Anxiety expresses immediately in physical symptoms. Not so in this case.

Kali-carb: Anxiety is more related to self. Self involves family. Here the situation is: the person repents for marrying which has created this situation which he cannot handle. At a gross level he resigns from handling situation. This leads to insecurity to self. The focus shifts from family to self. Kali-carb’s priorities would be different - he would have become anxious for the sake of mother and wife’s troubles and not finding solution would have made him anxious.

Calc-carb: He is industrious in work. He has done many jobs. So whatever may happen in life, his topmost priority is his job security. At a general level it is foolish to lose job because of family matter. When the insecurity developed, it is directed towards own self. Calc-carb wants secure life. So when danger comes, he goes in a shell {withdraws}. If he could not get shell, then he becomes highly insecure and different anxieties emerge. This case perfectly presents the Calc-carb picture and the anxieties without shell. Also he is basically submissive, sensitive to hurt, adjusting.

Clinical diagnosis
Non-ulcer dyspepsia, along with recurrent stomatitis and chronic constipation.